FAQs

Overview
What is the meaning of the Unity Sand Ceremony?
Answer: The unity Sand Ceremony symbolizes the joining together of two lives that occurs at a marriage. Each of the individual vases of sand represents everything that the bride and groom bring to the marriage and the Unity vase comes to represent how the lives of the two individuals join and become one because of the vows and commitments they make to each other during the wedding ceremony.

Why do people do the Unity Sand Ceremony?
Answer: There are two main reasons that couples do the Unity Sand Ceremony. Firstly, it adds meaning to the wedding ceremony. This is particularly important in nonreligious ceremonies. Secondly, the Unity Sand Ceremony provides the couple with a totally unique memento of the vows they made to each other. Something made by them as they were vowing everlasting love. A truly emotional memento of a very emotional occasion.

How does the Unity Sand Ceremony work?
Answer: The Unity Sand Ceremony is carried out, in its simplest form, by the pouring of sand from individual containers, by the bride and groom, into a central Unity vase or container. The Officiant may say selected words or a prayer while this is being done and the ceremony may be accompanied by gentle music.

How long does the Unity Sand Ceremony last?
Answer: The Ceremony itself usually takes around two to three minutes to complete. (This of course depends on whether children or other family are to be included in the ceremony.) But it is a very meaningful and touching couple of minutes that leaves the happy couple with a beautiful reminder of the vows they made.

Where does the Unity Sand Ceremony come from?
Answer: There is some debate as to where the Ceremony comes from. Some say it is a native American ceremony from the South West US. Others say that it is a traditional Hawaiian ceremony. It is hard to tell which is correct and it is possible that both are correct.

Why do couples use the Unity Sand Ceremony rather than the Unity Candle Ceremony?
Answer: There are many reasons for using the Sand Ceremony rather than the Candle Ceremony. Whilst they mean the same thing, the Unity Candle Ceremony does not leave the couple with a memento of their vows as does the Sand ceremony. And if the wedding is outdoors or on the beach, then you don’t have the problem of the wind blowing the candles out.

What is the traditional time to do the Sand Ceremony?
Answer: The traditional time to do the ceremony is after the wedding vows and before the presentation of the new married couple to the gathering.

Can you give some words that could be used for the Unity Sand Ceremony?
Answer: Just one set of the many possible is: “As these two sands blend together, so our lives join to become one. We met as individuals and so remain but strengthened as we have also become one. We look forward to the future knowing that we can face whatever it may hold because of our unity. May our love forever shine as a beacon to others.”

Is the Unity Sand Ceremony appropriate for using at an indoor ceremony?
Answer: The Unity Sand Ceremony is most certainly suitable for an indoor ceremony. If you were considering either the Unity Candle or the Unity Sand ceremony you may find the Unity Sand ceremony is more appropriate as some venues will not allow naked flames.

What age should children be before being included in the Unity Sand Ceremony?
Answer: It really doesn’t matter what age the child is. If they are too young to speak then it may be appropriate to have a God parent, relative or family friend speak on their behalf.

What prayer do you say with the sand ceremony vows?
Answer: There really is no set prayer for the Sand Ceremony. It really is a choice that should be made by the lucky couple and the Officiant. It is suggested that the theme of any prayer be the uniting of two lives into one. Or, if children are involved, the creation of a new family.

Do you think it would be OK to have the sand ceremony after the legal ceremony was finished?
Answer: It is fine to have the Sand Ceremony after the legal ceremony. In fact there are times when it could be necessary to do so. For instance, if, for some reason, the officiant didn’t want the Sand Ceremony to be part of their ceremony.

We are going to do the Unity Sand ceremony. But how can we have our mothers participate?
Answer: One way to include the mothers is to have them start the ceremony by pouring a little of the bride’s and groom’s sand into the unity vase signifying that they originally gave life to the bride and groom. They could say, “With these grains of sand we add our blessings to this union. May it be forever happy and forever loving.”

My father is deceased, and so is my grandfather. Who would be the next choice to walk me down the aisle and give me away at the wedding ceremony?
Answer: In days gone by, the next appropriate choice would have been your oldest living uncle on your father’s side. But nowadays it is really up to you to select the person that you have the closest parental feelings for, be it a good friend, your brother or whomever.

The Unity Sand Ceremony and Your Decor
What color sand should we use?
Answer: Many couples blend the colors with the colors of the wedding. For instance using the bridesmaids dress color and so on. Otherwise, if the bride or the groom has a particularly favorite color, then that can be the color sand they use. This theme of favorite color can be followed for any children that maybe involved. Remember, however, that too many blended colors can give the overall appearance of being brown.

Would it be appropriate to save the sand ceremony for the reception?
Answer: It certainly would be appropriate, although not traditional, for the Unity Sand Ceremony to be held at the reception. It can add a certain amount of meaning to the reception and elevate the meaning of the cake cutting.

Can we give each of the guests a unity sand memento of our wedding?
Answer: What a novel idea. You could have small individual vases layered with the bride and groom’s colored sands and use these as accents on the table or containers for favors, and the guests could take these home with them.The Sand Ceremony is a really beautiful idea. But I don’t know if want to keep a vase filled with sand around cats and kids and clumsy folks (like me).
Answer: It is entirely up to you to decide what to do with the Unity Sand Container. But most brides like to keep it in a prominent position as a reminder of the vows taken on that special day. However your feelings are understandable. Possibly, to overcome the problem, you could seal the container in some way, for instance with carefully laid down candle wax.

How can I blend the Unity Sand colors in with the rest of the wedding reception?
Answer: Buy extra sand and use it to decorate the tables at the reception buy, for instance, layering the different colored sands in small glass vases a place on each table as accents. And color coordinate any streamers, ribbons and balloons with the colors of the sands.

How can I get a good idea of what the colored sands will look like?
Answer: Order several containers of sand in the colors you are thinking of; then you can experiment to find the colors you like the best and that work the best together. Since the sand is relatively inexpensive, you might as well make sure that the color work with your wedding theme before finalizing the color palette.

What kind of Unity vase should we get to make it easy to pour our sands into?
Answer: There are two ways to handle this challenge. Either get a wide mouthed Unity vase for easy pouring. Or, use a scroll of paper as a funnel to fit into the neck of the Unity vase that you select. That way you are not limited in your selection

Blended Family FAQs
My husband and I are wondering if you can have a Unity Sand Ceremony for a blended family without a wedding. We didn’t know about it when we got married. It was a second wedding for both of us and we have four children between us.
Answer: Yes, you certainly can have a Unity Sand Ceremony without a wedding. In fact, in cases like yours, it is a really excellent idea. It can be used to symbolically join the two families together with the children participating as well as the parents. You can make it as formal or informal as you like, inviting just family and close friends or more. That’s the beauty of the Unity Sand Ceremony; you can adapt it as necessary to be perfect for just your situation.I have children we want to include in the ceremony. How do we do that?
Answer: The children can pour their own colored sand into the unity vase after the couple has added some of theirs. Then the couple can finish filling the Unity vase once the children have finished.

What is the proper wording for adding children to the Unity Sand Ceremony?
Answer: There really is no one proper set of words used to add children to the ceremony. One possible set is: “I, [name of child], being the child of [name of bride or groom], pour this sand into the Unity vase symbolizing that from henceforth I am a fully committed child of the family of the union of [name of groom] and [name of bride].”

What order should the children take in the Unity Sand Ceremony?
Answer: The normal order is for the oldest child to pour their sand first and the youngest last. But it is up to you if you prefer another order. Or, they could all pourtheir sand in together if you use a scroll, with their names or a poem inscribed on it, as a funnel so they can all fit around the unity vase. If they are all to do it at once it may be best to use the same color sand or just one or two colors as too many colors blending together tend to look brown.

Is a Destination Wedding a good idea for a second marriage?
Answer: Destination Weddings can be ideal for second marriages and when blended families are involved. Because of the travel costs involved, they are, of necessity, smaller and more intimate than weddings held nearer to home. This can lead to better bonding of the newly blended family without a great number of distractions.

Who is responsible for paying for a second wedding?
Answer: In this day and age the answer to this question is simple – the bride and groom are responsible for the wedding. The parents can contribute if they desire but it is not expected of them.

Do my children keep their birth father’s name after my upcoming remarriage?
Answer: The “normal” situation is that the children would keep their birth father’s name. It may also be possible for them to change their name. However, name laws vary from place to place and it is therefore a good idea to check with the local authorities or with your wedding Officiant.

Maintaining 2 homes and 2 families means that my fiancé and I don’t have a big budget to spend on the wedding. Should we get a loan to pay for a really beautiful wedding?
Answer: I would never suggest that a couple start married life with any debts that can be avoided. I believe that the thing that matters with a wedding is the meaning it has for the participants. Do you really need a big wedding if you, your fiancé and your children feel that an intimate wedding may well be more meaningful? An intimate ceremony can make the whole wedding party feel much closer to one another.

When do we start talking about the new family relationships with the children?
Answer: The simple answer to this is: the sooner the better or, at least, as soon as the commitment to spend the rest of your lives together has been made. The role of step-parent and step-child should be discussed with the children well before you actually start living as a family otherwise the child can be totally at a loss as how to ‘handle’ the new relationship.

Both my fiancé and I have nice homes and neither of us wants to sell but which should we live in after we are married?
Answer: Neither is the straight forward answer. Sell both your houses and buy a new one where both families can start their new life together on an equal footing. No one will feel at a disadvantage to the others and no one will be in an automatically superior position. Many disagreements and power struggles may well be avoided.

When should our children meet each other?
Answer: Your children should meet a soon as you have made a commitment to each other. They don’t need to know that they’ll be spending their lives together, but they do need to know that you are serious about each other. And they need to learn to respect if not like each other.

Is it normal to love your step-children straight away?
Answer: It depends on the type of people you are. Some people develop love very quickly others not so quickly. But in any case it is entirely normal to feel “a different kind of love” for your step-children than for your children. There is definitely no need for feeling guilty about it.

Should we take the kids on the honeymoon?
Answer: Many people believe that it is okay for the two of you to get away by yourselves as new husband and wife. Get to know each other as husband and wife better and to take a breather from the high emotion and possible stress of the wedding. You don’t need a long honeymoon but make it a time for each other.

Working with the Officiant
Does the Officiant expect a gratuity?
Answer: A gratuity is not expected. However it is a nice touch and would be gratefully and happily received.

Do we really have to have a rehearsal?
Answer: A rehearsal is not technically required but it is a good idea to help ensure that everything runs smoothly on this very special day.

Should we invite the Officiant to the reception?
Answer: It depends on your relationship with the officiant. If the officiant is close to you or, at least, known to you, then it may well be appropriate to invite them to the reception. If, however, the officiant is not close to you or is unknown to you, then it is not necessary to invite them to the reception.

What does the officiant wear to the ceremony?
Answer: Officiants tend to be fairly formal in their dress; however, it depends on what kind of ceremony and where it will be held. Things like high heels are inappropriate for a beach wedding. You can discuss clothing choice with the officiant in preparation for the big day.

Will you get a chance to read or hear your ceremony before the day?
Answer. Usually the Officiant will supply you with suggested words or discuss the wording with you. Either way it is normal for you to be able to read the ceremony or, at least, your part in it before the big day. This is also a good reason for having a rehearsal, so you know exactly what is meant to be happening and when it’s meant to happen.

Will the Officiant allow you to write you own vows?
Answer: Many Officiants will allow you to write your own vows or, at least, allow you to choose from a selection of possible set of words.